They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize