that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
