omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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