.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
