Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Blood and glitter go together right?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
