my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
420 ftw
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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