I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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