They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
