come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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