if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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