Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Panties = found
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
