It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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