So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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