then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
