you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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