My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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