Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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