I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
