Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
