Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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