Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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