So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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