I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
