yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
