i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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