That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize