Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
