please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
