I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
