Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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