Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
