i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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