i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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