You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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