she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
