I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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