You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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