i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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