Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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