sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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