I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
