I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
the liver wants what the liver wants
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
