I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
