Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
