it was like his penis was on wheels.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
