You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize