How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
