Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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