you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
