Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
