i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Sober January is a disaster.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
