so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
