real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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