thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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