How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
