you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
