IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize