I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
