im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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