He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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