She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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