Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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