Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
