There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
